I’m not REALLY a jackass, at least I don’t think I am….

So I was in Wally-world the other night picking up a few necessities and Halloween candy and noticed they already have the christmas candy, out.  Would I be a totally awful person if I decided to hand out candy canes for Halloween? I’d find it amusing, I mean at least it’s candy.  I will never be the jackass that hands out toothbrushes or raisins to kids seeking their sugar fix from a stranger.  I’m all geeked out for Halloween this Friday.  I have the light up orange and black T shirt to wear while handing out candy to the lil ones, most because the little ones begging for candy will be eye-level with my ass, and the slutty sheriff outfit I will be donning later in the night does not mesh well with bending over to dispense candy.  I’m sure the lil ones want treats, not to be scarred for life. I have the hard cider and pumpkin spice beer in my fridge stocked, I need to find the pumpkin collar I have for the cat, and I will be ready for the evening!

OK this is now a 2 day post cuz it’s Halloween, and I got my 3rd quarter bonus.  I SHOULD think of others and start my Xmas shopping early, instead I purchased a Wii for myself and stocked up on more booze for the evening. Hooray Me!!! Plus I just found out we are getting off work a few hrs early today, HELL YEAH!!!

So…Fucking…Awesome!!!!!

So I was driving back from lunch today, coming up on the Broadway bridge, and low an behold, what do I see? A cop pulled someone over and was writing them a ticket.  What makes this so awesome, is the fact he was writing a BICYCLIST a ticket!!! Karmic revenge? It was just sweet to see a lil justice finally, after dealing with all the fucktards that bike around downtown, blowing through red lights, not signaling, and weaving in and outta traffic.  I have no problem with sharing the road with bicyclists, I just expect them to obey the same traffic laws I am required to obey.

Did someone join a 12-Step Program?

I’m not talking about me. Dear god no! I loves me my vodka man! I’m referring to the fact, completely random out of the blue I get this email from a guy I dated close to this time last year. “How are you doing? I owe you an apology. It was real shitty of me to do what I did. I’m sorry. You were very nice to me. I hope you are doing well.”  I seriously don’t know if he saw a personal ad I had up, or entered a 12 step program and was onto the apology stage but the male ego is truly a mystery I will never understand.  The reality is, this was a guy who “disappeared” after a month of dating, but its interesting he fails to realize, I never ever emailed him, IM’d him, or called him either.  The truth was he was a nice guy but a “temporary entertainment” type of situation for me, so the out worked for both of us.  My breakup strategies are the following: A. usually to simply disappear to never be heard from again, or  B. act like a crazy bitch till dude breaks up with ME.  I usually choose option A.

On other updates into the sordid world that is my love life (that’s sarcasm folks) After a couple failed attempts to meet up, I finally met this one guy I was talking to, who is adorable, tall, nice, similar personality to mine and the best part.. he is a twin….oh the possibilities…bwaaa haaaa haaaa!

I still need to figure out what the hell I am going to be for Halloween.  I’m thinking of the blonde chick from Reno 911 or a geisha but am having a hard time finding a costume I like or that fits properly.  I don’t mind busty, slutty, or short, but it WOULD be nice to find something that at least covers over 75% of my ass…sheesh! Any suggestions?

Fall Midget Fun

So School has kept me on my toes, so this weekend I decided it was time for a little fun.  Sat morning I woke up early and headed out to Hillsboro to meet a few friends at the Roloff Farms Pumpkin patch. I’m going straight to hell, because just as we pulled into the parking lot, one of the younger “little people” was sprinting all out across the lawn, and I’m sorry, but watching a midget full-on sprint is hysterically awesome and made my little grinch heart glow with happiness. We took the full tour, I petted the 75 lb tortoise (eat your heart out girl wonder!) and I took home a couple decent sized pumpkins to carve up a little closer to Halloween.  After I got my fill of midgets, pumpkins, and sun, M and I headed to the fabric store, where I selected the stuff she is going to sew into my Santa Costume for santacon this year.  I am seriously going to be an awesome standout sexy santa  for the 1,000 or so folks that join the Santa rampage this year, cuz its never too early to plan.

Sun I woke up early to meet a boy for coffee and was pleasantly surprised.  One of my craigslist introductions, so I was skeptical about his attractiveness but he was tall as promised, good looking, and looked just like his pic, and was interesting to talk to. After coffee, I was in my best betty-crocker mood and whipped up a batch of pumpkin muffins for a test run o this upcoming weekend, and to save time attempted to use the cream cheese in a can frosting, which I should clarify is supposedly “cream cheese flavored” which is DEFINITELY not the same.  well-noted for when I make batch 2 this Friday.

Getting back on the horse

Or in other words, putting down the wine, turning the music off on my pity party, and throwing myself back into the horror that is commonly known as “dating”.  So last week was tough for me, In addition to not sleeping due to the breakup, school started, which means I am in class 3 nights a week after working for 7.5 hrs, AND one of those nights is a 4hr class. (I wish I was kidding) I tend to be retarded when it comes to retooling my schedule for school.  I make sure I have plenty of time for class and whatnot, but I tend to forget the other key component, which is scheduling time for homework, AND downtime for myself so I don’t feel every second is scheduled and I have no free time. In addition to school, I had made plans for a birthday party, the art walk, and oh, yeah a soccer game. I also decided it would be a brilliant idea to throw an ad up on CL and see what crazies replied.  A couple decent folks wrote back and I met one of them Sat night.  Cute, funny, and although some folks might think its a little soon for me to start dating already, I figured worst case scenario, I got dressed up, had a reason to shower, to get outta the house, and socialize with another adult.  I’m supposed to meet with a different random dude Tuesday after class, we will see how that one goes.

Sunday was a weird day.  It was your typical Portland rainy crapfest, and I just didn’t feel like doing anything.  I did put on my fancy pink burberry print galoshes splashed through a few puddles, hopped in my car and went to the store.  I didn’t really need anything, buying random crap just makes me feel better and baking stuff can’t get me into too much financial trouble when I’m down.  So I bought all the supplies to bake a buncha stuff, but only got motivated enough to bake one crappy batch of cookies, which is sad because baking is usually therapeutic for me, then again so is vodka, perhaps I should stick to that. I was kinda down in general, unmotivated to do anything at all, I didn’t want to be alone, but wasn’t feeling social.  If R were here, it woulda been a come-over-in-your-PJ’s-and-drink-vodka-lemonades-watching-crappy-movies-targeted-to-teens kinda day.