It’s been forever and a day

May 25, 2010

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.  I’m still here, I’ve just been busy O.K.? now back the eff off me and my horrible lack of consistency in writing posts before I sick carnivorous garden gnomes on you.

So what’s new with me you ask? Well on the love life front I’m pretty damn content.  Started quietly dating a hot, smart, kind of geeky guy a few months ago and that’s going well.  What sealed the deal for me was when we had only known each other for 2 weeks, and he didn’t bat an eyelash at me making 200+jello shots to start consuming and handing out at 10am on a Saturday morning while dressed as a spice girl and running around downtown Portland with close to 500 belligerent costumed folks with shopping carts for the Urban Iditarod.  A man who can hang with me after that experience automatically gets my official seal of approval.  Fast forward to 3 months later and his only annoying habits are wearing crocs around his house and putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher.  Once I figure out the perfect plan for the “accidental” demise of his beloved crocs it will almost be perfect.

On the work front I’m miserable.  I constantly need to remind myself to be grateful for the little things.  My reality is I have a great job that I’m paid a lot for with good benefits and little to no supervision, which would be ideal to a lot of people but I feel stifled.  Morale is low and I feel like I’m hitting a wall.  I dream of writing “I quit” in gasoline on my cubicle, then setting it on fire. (Of course I’d never ACTUALLY do that mmm’kay? I’m a professional)! Part of what’s holding me back is finishing my damn degree.  I’m finally in my last year of going part-time, but I have a really screwy schedule as a result of needing to take a couple daytime classes.  Most employers are not accommodating to those requirements when you are new to the company and have yet to prove yourself.  So instead I browse job postings I’m more than qualified for, paying more than I make now with better companies, and keep muttering “1 more year” under my breath.

Finally on the home front, everything else is status quo.  I pulled up the bathroom sub-flooring and replaced it with tile, with no injuries and without killing anyone.   Of course, since I’m a lazy procrastinator the rest of the bathroom still needs new paint and I have to finish the trim but that’s besides the point, which is, the floor looks awesome! So if you need to come over to my house and use the restroom, I may instruct you to keep your eyes on the floor the entire time, no big deal right?

So that’s my update in a nutshell.  I promise to write more in the future, but not as much as your creepy stalker you met off a Craigslist personals ad.

Happy Tuesday!


I need a Vacation, like now!!!!

March 3, 2010

I booked my tickets to Cabo, and am now dreaming and counting down the days until I am away from mundane  crap in the office that makes me want to place my head in the oven, and instead lying on a beach attempting to get get some color and be less vampire-sparkly white, while sucking down tequila and molesting the unsuspecting college boys visiting on Spring Break, whoo hoo!!!!

In other news, I’ve decided that this is the year I get off my ass and learn to fix shit around my house.  This means I’m coming home to a non-existent bathroom floor, and Sat I’m learning to replace the sub-flooring and how to tile.  At least my bathroom is super tiny, a good place to learn I think.  I’ve already decided to say eff it, to replacing the sink and vanity, hooray, laziness! hopefully I escape the weekend with my sanity and all my limbs intact.  On that thought, I’m off to stock the freezer with vodka.

Shady Bars on Foster Review

June 25, 2009

So slightly out of order but now that I am fully recovered from my weekend, It’s time to fill in the details of last Friday evening.  C. and I agreed to meet up at 6pm, you know, so it would be an early night.  We started out at a new place called Amore Lounge(formerly Cosmos) different place, seemed like it couldn’t decide if it wanted to be a bar, restaurant, or coffee shop by the furniture and spacing of stuff.  The place came fully furnished with a complete bar, overly friendly bartender, and a few patrons, that just glancing at them coupled with their music selection on the jukebox would make you think the parking lot was crammed full of bitchin camaros.

Next on our tour de Foster was a shady ass hole-in-the-wall called Bob and Alices. I think there was only 1 other patron besides us under the age of 60. This makes me think they might run some kind of AARP special on Hamms, but I could be wrong…

The next 2 bars were a double feature: First, Foster Gardens, a total dive bar with a slough of interesting regulars, a shuffleboard table, and random dude selling stuffed animals to the patrons.  i don’t know about you, but nothing makes me hotter for a guy, than him buying me a primary colored stuffed Thomas the tank engine at a shady bar. WTF???  This is why I love these little dives in SE. Across the street from that bar was a place called Andy’s.  Andy’s creeped me out, as it was large and cavernous inside, with hardly any furnishings, a small bar, and a few video crack machines.  I did learn one lesson from this bar however.  How do you class up a shady bar on Foster? Add a random doily tablecloth to your tables and a flat screen TV to the walls!

We ended at one of my favorite bars, the Slingshot for the last night of the evening.   Sandy the midget was there, but was not singing the oompa-loompa song *sniff*

I Love the Randomness of Small Towns

June 18, 2009

So this last Monday had me travelling for work, which for me, meant I got the privilege of waking up at the ass crack o dawn and driving 3 hrs over the mountains and into central Oregon, whoot! Ok, yeah, so maybe not so much…

So 1 redbull shot, 2 grande caramel macchiatos and I made it into Bend safely for a couple uneventful meetings, then had to drive to Sisters, OR for 1 more meeting because when I set meetings up I cannot be bothered to look at a map and realize that all my clients in CO are not actually in Bend, whatever… So I drive into Sisters and I’m about 30 minutes early for my next appt so I decided to get something to eat and wandered into the Sisters market.  Where else do you have a mini-mart/Chinese food/taco express/gelato bar? awesome! Even better, they had a refrigerated room called “The beer cave” that was seriously designed with fake rocks and jungle leaves to look like an actual cave.  I’m seriously considering remodeling the gimp hole in my house into a beer cave, it was that awesome! So I grab a few items and mosey up to the cash register and set my stuff on the counter, and the clerk asks me, ” Do you want to spin the wheel, I noticed you have red bull and that’s one of the free things you can get” WTF?? I’m thinking, then notice the mini “wheel of fortune” type spinner thing on the counter, So I spun it, and actually landed on red bull saving me 3 bux of my purchase that day. I so need to hang out in small towns more often, if only they had midgets too!

Midgets, jello shots, and the best night ever!!!

June 15, 2009

So Wednesday night while out at the after-kickball bar, I was talking to a fellow kickballer that lives out on my side of town and decided I needed to introduce him to the goodness of the midget bar, aka Dusty’s.  We agreed to meet at 8 o clock on Friday.  So right on cue, I walk in the door, and one of the two little people that hang out there on a regular basis was at the bar. C and I had a couple drinks, chatting about random things, then on his way back from the restroom, he mentioned the  midget challenged us to air hockey at the bar down the street.  Oh, it was on! So the LP’s name was Sandy, and she was a total crack up.  She grabbed my drinking buddy by the hand (who is 6″2) then mine as well, and it was all I could do not to do the 1,2,3, swiiiing.  We made it to the next bar, and immediately Sandy grabs a drink, spots the photos boot,and makes some comment about taking pics and flashing when she gets shit-faced (At this point I’m thinking someone was doing a mini-me parody and I’m looking to for the punk”d cameras).  We settle into a booth, do a couple shots, and Sandy asked me if I would like a jello shot.  I replied I didn’t not think the bar served em, and she responded, “I know, I have em in my purse from the last bar”.   Some how the subject of fake tanning came up, and the midget made a comment about coming out too orange and looking like and oompa loompa, then proceeds to sing the  oompa loompa song.  It’s taking all I have not to pee my pants laughing at this point.  The night went on to airhockey, pinball, and the LP took off for the night, leaving me drinking w C.  I dropped him off at the end of the night, where I was surprised with a kiss goodnight.  I didn’t think this was a date, so I was caught a lil off guard, but it was the perfect end of the perfect night for me. I need more randomness of this nature in my life.

Friends with benefit???

April 7, 2009

So I received an interesting text the other day from the 26 yr old ex. Things didn’t work out between us, but would I be interested in a FWB situation? Now let me say, this guy is great looking, tall, filled out,  in perfect shape, but personality-wise not good for a relationship with me.  The sexual chemistry between us was great, so i must be getting old because I said no thanks.  Just a couple years ago I would have taken him up on the offer, thinking of myself as liberated, a female in control of what she wants,  A busy professional with sex on demand, and getting the best of both worlds.  As I get older though, I realize I want more, I want it all, and I just cheat myself by allowing a friends with benefits situation.  I “m lazy by nature.  In a FWB situation I rarely date, I hate the awkwardness of first dates, I prefer to spend my free time with good friends, with the physical stuff as it molded to my schedule.  But you have to go through the ickyness of dating to get wat you want.  I want it all, I want someone I have fun with, can sleep in on the weekends in, have an amazing chemistry with, can talk to, is complementary to my personality. Maybe I’m unrealistic, but at this point I’m pretty damned determined I’ll find it eventually and in the meantime a FWB situation won’t get me where I want to be.

The art of the cocktail

March 31, 2009

I know, i know, i suck at blogging. tending,  Let’s just say last quarter of school was brutal, I had no social life, and I enjoyed the hell outta my spring “break” even though I still had to work and stayed local in P-town. Which is what brings us to the title of my post. During spring break, my friends talked me into a happy hour at Holocene.  If you’ve never been, it’s in an old warehouse in SE with a non-descript entrance, and you swear it’s secretly a crack den you are entering (at least from the outward appearance) Inside, It’s very “Portland” funky art all abouts, an eclectic menu, and interesting drink menu. I ordered a drink, which would have been great from it’s description (guava puree, mint, cucumber, almond syrup and absolut kurant), but it was waaay to strong, so I tried a caprihana, but it had only mint for a garnish and again waaaay to much booze, tasting like a cheaply made margarita. Finally I ordered a makers and coke, figuring it’s pretty damn hard to fuck that one up, but I was proved wrong again.  This is my declaration to bartenders everywhere, Making cocktails is truly an art form,  Making a drink strong does not make it “good”.  If I want to light my breath on fire after drinking your beverages, I’ll order at lounge of my local Chinese restaurant, thanks.  There is skill displayed in balancing booze with mixers and other elements that make a perfectly balanced cocktail.  A good drink is strong, but you shouldn’t know how strong it is till a few minutes after you’ve quaffed it. A good drink  blends mixers so it enhances the taste of  the booze in it, the booze does not dominate the taste of the drink. Moral of the story is Holocene happy hour = fail.

Now that my schedule is considerably more friendly to happy hour once more, I look forward to finding a new favorite HH spot.

A little bit of conventional wisdom

January 23, 2009

There are some things that I should just know, but tend to forget until I do something I should not have, with regrettable effects.  Like it’s really not a good idea to work out right after eating.  Especially when the previous meal was sushi.. yuck!

Speaking of working out, I’m starting to make it a habit to hit the gym after work but before class. When I was last in the locker room, I couldn’t resist temptation and stepped on the scale and realized I need to be more definitive about my goals.  I had lost 20 lbs last year just like I wanted to, however I had gained it back according to the number glaring evilly at me from the scale. So my new goal is to lose 20 lbs and keep it off for at least a year.  Also I need to figure out a way to do this while subsisting on a diet of candy and vodka. Hmm I may need to get creative here. 

It’ s Friday night bitches, and I’ve decided it’s all about me for a while.  I’m done feeling sorry for myself, hiding away from civilization the past month or so I am getting dolled up and getting outta the house this weekend- even if it’s just to the local liquor store to restock my food supply. If I’m lucky I might meet a hot guy to make out with… oh I can hope!

I think I’ve figured it out

January 9, 2009

The whole textbook depreciation thing I mean.  I think the colleges come up with the price of textbooks as the ridiculous commission of the sales guy who sell them + the tiny cost of the book.  This HAS to be it, how else can you explain how something can depreciate at 4 times the rate as a Kia or Hyndia? If you can’t guess, I went to sell back my $105, $35 and $56 dollar textbooks I bought brand new last quarter for… $24 all together.  Seriously. I think I’m in the wrong business

And you wonder where I get it from????

January 7, 2009

So over the delayed holiday celebration with my family (No thanks to “Arctic Blast 08”!!) My mom told me she made.. breakfast jello-shots.  I kid you not.  Not only did she make jello shots for Christmas morning, but they were LAYERED jello shots.  As in, a b-52 shot with layered gelatinous kaluha, baileys, and crown. This explains so much about me. 

So I made it through the holidays in one piece.  Once I realized that the foot and a half of snow on the ground would be a serious hindrance to getting to Seattle, I called my mom and delayed the family celebration a week, and invited all that could make it to my place/stranded by the snow in Portland for a prime rib dinner.  While it was weird to have my first X-mas away from any family, I had a great time with my friends. We had an excellent dinner, drank much booze, , and since it’s not really a holiday without a small oven fire, we got that in as well.

School started again and I can tell I am not going to be a happy camper this quarter.  The classes themselves look easy, but both have a big group project assigned in them.  I hate hate hate group projects.  Either I do all the work, or get royally screwed.  I don’t have time to accommodate 4 other people’s schedules as well. Group projects are the biggest joke ever and with my luck, I’ll get stuck with at least ESL students.. oh the joys of higher education.